CD 12

So, I had another appointment in San Antonio this morning. We got up bright and early at 3AM (and on top of that I couldn't sleep last night for some reason) so I am pretty sleepy today. We got to the hospital and went upstairs to have my blood work done. I had the same guy that drew my blood last time and he's pretty awesome.. can't even feel the needle touch me when he does it! Anyway, after that we go downstairs to the infertility clinic and went back to a room to wait for the doctor to come do the ultrasound.  Unfortunately, the doctor I like was not the one who walked through the door.. it was this lady who really gets under my skin. She is just not a very positive person. OK, now to the good stuff. As of this morning I had one follicle on my left side that was at 13mm and two on my right side, one at 15.7mm and one at 13mm. I also had a bunch of cysts that were less than 10 on both sides, but those aren't important because they are always there since I have PCOS. I am pleased because I was hoping to have at least one at 15 or greater today and I did :) I am giving myself the trigger shot on Saturday night at 7PM and the IUI is going to be Monday morning at 7AM. Follicles are considered mature around 18mm and they grow around 2mm a day so by the time I trigger Saturday night I think I'll have 3 mature follicles.. two around 19? and one around 22? I don't know.. that is just a guessing game really and I'll never know for sure. I'm just hoping for the best! More targets = better chances of at least catching ONE of those eggs. I will say that I am feeling much  more relaxed about everything this time around since I have already been through this before. The first time I had my hopes up so high because everything seemed so perfect and when it failed I was an emotional wreck. This time around I'm feeling positive, but not overly positive. I am keeping myself in check and just hoping for the best. Whatever will be, will be. I'm done trying to dissect every little thing that happens with my body and trying to plan for anything. We're doing the best we can and that's all there is to it. It is in God's timing and I am trying my very hardest to remind myself of that every day.

I did see 3 shooting stars this morning on the way to the hospital! Hey, I don't believe in good luck, but I'll take whatever positive affirmation I can get :)

CD 8

So, I guess it is time for another update. I am on CD 8 now and tomorrow is my last day taking 150mg of Clomid. I am taking dexamethasone again this cycle and I continue taking that up until we do the trigger shot. Our next appointment is on Thursday (CD 12) so *hopefully* all goes well and we have some nice big follicles and can schedule the IUI. I am guessing, based on the last cycle we did IUI, that the IUI will end up being sometime this next weekend, possibly Sunday? I am so nervous, anxious, and just a bunch of different emotions. I don't know how to feel because I don't want to get my hopes up again, and yet I also want to stay positive. I guess we will see what happens! As far as side effects this month - I have hot flashes, mood swings, and my ovaries are beginning to hurt so I know SOMETHING must be going on down there. Anyway, not much else to update on tonight, but I will update this again on Thursday after my appointment. No one really reads this, but this is more for me than anyone else. It is nice to look back on where we've been and have a record of everything. Hopefully soon this blog will turn into pregnancy updates and belly pictures. Fingers crossed!

It's October!

I love October! It is one of my favorite months. Why? I'm not quite sure, but it is. Maybe because it is when the weather starts cooling down more and fall shows up. I love summer, but after living in Texas .. I think I am more fond of fall. So what's new with the McPhersons this week? Let's see - Matt currently has a kidney stone :\ poor guy! and I started a babysitting job. Nothing too exciting going on besides that. Until this weekend when we have family coming into town. Matt's mom, brother, grandma, and aunt are all coming to stay with us for a few days and it should be a good time all around. As far as things in the infertility world, I am currently taking Provera to start my next cycle. I have to take that for 10 days and I am on day 7 so we are looking at going to San Antonio early next week to begin our next treatment cycle :) I am excited to finally get the ball rolling again! We haven't really been able to do much since the last IUI and that cycle ended at the end of July.. so 2 months of just waiting around for the next thing. I am relieved to finally be getting back into it. I have to admit, it was nice to have a break at first and I think it was good for my body to give it a break from everything. Unfortunately, the past few weeks have just been irritating and not quite as relaxing because I have started to get more anxious and impatient again. Anyway, that's about it for today. Now I must finish a 6 page paper for class, do some cleaning, and then off to babysit this afternoon. Sounds like high school again, lol.

Ignorance

So, I have decided that I truly have a desire to educate people about infertility, and about their bodies in general. It amazes me how much people really do not know about their own bodies. I find this especially true for women. I had to write a paper for class this past week about business to consumer messages. I chose to use the advertisements for the "Increase Your Chances" campaign for my paper. The ads are essentially about a couple named Neil and Karen (a bird and a bee) who are experiencing trouble conceiving. I find these entertaining and  I can relate to them, so I thought it would be an interesting topic to write about. While doing some research on the advertisements and upon finishing an article, I found some pretty nasty comments from readers in response to the topic. They don't understand and they judge those who choose to take drugs in order to get pregnant. The problem is that our culture only hears of the EXTREME cases, like John & Kate Plus 8 and the OctoMom. Truth is, infertility treatments are a very monitored thing! The majority of doctors out there are responsible and they will not carry out a cycle if there is a risk of a high number of multiples. Now, when it comes to IVF you choose how many embryos you want to have transferred and I have not heard of a doctor transferring more than 3 at one time. Why is infertility still such a taboo topic? It happens to 1 out of 8 couples (although it may not seem that way) and chances are you probably know someone who is going through it. Why the insensitivity? People truly do not understand why us infertiles go through the treatments we go through and subject our bodies to the fertility drugs and procedures. Why don't we just adopt? It's not that simple! Sure, at some point we would love to adopt and we will probably adopt even if we do succeed in having our own children, but right now we are putting all our energy into creating a life that is biologically ours. I want to experience a pregnancy. I want to look down at that little baby in my arms after giving birth and feel that pure joy and say that he/she has their daddy's eyes or my ears. Bring ON the typical things that pregnant women complain about... the morning sickness, heartburn, back pain... I don't care. Sure, a couple years ago I probably would not have enjoyed those things, but at this point all those symptoms sound beautiful to me.

Anyway, this really is only scratching the surface and I just wanted to vent. I'm really thinking of writing a book!

mercies in diguise

I'm hurting today. I'm feeling even more frustrated and just want to 'get the show on the road' and get back to treatments. Not much to say today - just listening to 'Blessings' by Laura Story and trying to remember this has all got to be for a reason and part of God's plan... even if it makes no sense to me now, and maybe never will.

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep  
We pray for healing, for prosperity  
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while You hear each spoken need  
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?  
What if a thousand sleepless nights  
Are what it takes to know You're near?
What if trials of this life  
Are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love  
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough  
And all the while You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?  
And what if a thousand sleepless nights  
Are what it takes to know You're near?  
And what if trials of this life  
Are Your mercies in disguise?

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home  
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops  
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life  
Is the revealing of a greater thirst  
This world can't satisfy?
And what if trials of this life  
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights  
Are Your mercies in disguise?

Frustration and Impatience

Today I am frustrated and I just need to let it out. I am getting so sick of my body and having PCOS! This may be TMI, but if anyone reads this that has PCOS.. they would understand what I mean. It seems that my body is determined to not do anything I want it to. When I don't want my period and want it to stay away in hopes to be pregnant.. it shows up! When I actually WANT it to start (so I can move on from this 'break' and get back to the treatments..) it is no where to be found! It should have shown up by now, but it hasn't. I am so sick of this. I'm becoming impatient and am sick of waiting and I'm sick of all the trying and trying to conceive with no luck at all. When is it my turn? Really... I can't even get on facebook anymore without holding back tears over ultrasound pictures, pregnancy announcements, baby pictures.. I am tempted to delete my facebook, but I can't seem to bring myself to do that. I care about my friends lives and want to know what is going on with them, and it is nothing against anyone.. I just HURT. I feel like less of a woman because the one thing that woman are designed to do.. you know, reproduce! I can't even do! I can't just give my husband a child like most other women can... and I hate it. I hate feeling this way and feeling like less of a woman than I am. Ok, rant over. I'm just very emotional this week.. hopefully it means AF is on her way SOON...

Just another day in the 'Great Place'

Today has been insane. It started at 0500 this morning when Matt woke up and realized he had washed his last good pair of ACUs with a charcoal lined hunting jacket. The result was ACUs covered in charcoal (looked like charcoal dust). His pants, top, shirt, PC... covered! So, as Matt went off to work in another pair of ACUs; I got to work! I was super wife and managed to get all the stains out, re-wash and dry his clothes before he got home at 0800. Woo hoo! So that was incident #1 for the day. Incident #2 was that once again the person Matt is supposed to be doing road guard duty with failed to show up! He never shows up and Matt has repeatedly asked for someone more responsible to do this detail with him, but they fail to listen. Well, this morning was no different. The guy didn't show up and they had someone else fill in last minute, but the guy that was filling in couldn't do it for the entire time because he had an appointment. Well, go figure that as soon as the one guy left and Matt was alone.. along comes the division sergeant major! He wasn't too happy that Matt didn't have his battle buddy with him and Matt ended up having to go to the guy's office at 0900. Luckily, he did not get in trouble (not that he should have considering it was not his fault). Incident #2 over! Now, on to incident #3! After lunch I noticed a sign on our front door from Animal Control. It stated that they had my stray animal in their custody. My immediate response was to check to see if Kylee was still in the backyard and Hunter was still in the house; they both were. I called the number for Animal Control and let them know what I had received and that it must be some mistake because I had both of my animals. They said it was my lab, whose microchip linked him to us. SERGEANT! Apparently he was found wandering around one of the schools on post. I explained to the lady that he was no longer our dog and that we had given him to friends, who then had to give him to another family because he was over the weight limit they were allowed to have for animals. Sergeant was still our legal responsibility though because his microchip was in our name (we forgot to change that when we gave him away). Poor puppy was in the pound!  We went and picked him up and now have him at our home again. Apparently the people that were currently responsible for him were poor pet owners and we are suspicious of a few things. He has some sores on his belly and he is dirty and acting strangely. What a day it has been!! I just hope these people own up for what they did and pay for the fines we had to take care of. On a good note - we got our valued customer credit from Sprint because we had switched over our number to them and don't have to pay our phone bill this time :)

Just another day in the life of the McPhersons!