Wednesday, July 4, 2012
I don't know how to feel..
Once again, I am clueless. Tonight I do my trigger shot and the IUI is on Friday morning, but for the first time I do not know how to feel about it. My heart is being torn in so many directions. I feel like I am just going through the motions, doing my injections each day, going to the appointments, and yet feeling nothing. I am numb.. and so is Matt. He has no real hope of a miracle happening. I still do, but he is making me sad with his pessimistic outlook on it. I told him that there is always hope, because God can always do a miracle. He said today that he believes if a real miracle is going to happen it is going to happen on some magical night the two of us have. Yeah, I wish it would happen that way. He and I both know the chances of that are next to nothing, but who knows..maybe one day. That would truly be a miracle. I guess we have finally reached our limit with treatments. After this, if it fails again, we will move on. We will concentrate on our upcoming move, finding new jobs in Charlotte, house hunting, and researching adoption agencies. I have faith. After reading another lady's blog, I have begun praying for my future children by name (as we have already had names picked out for quite some time). I pray for my Madelyn Jean and my Colton James.. in whatever way they come into our life. God please give us some renewed sense of hope, especially for my husband.