Thursday, July 28, 2011
I am beginning to get frustrated. It has now been 15 days since the IUI and I am still getting negative tests.. and no sign of my period in sight. What the heck?! I feel like I should have gotten one or the other by now and now I am just in limbo. My doctor never scheduled a beta to be done and I am thinking of calling them to see if they can put one in for me. I leave to go out of town for 2 weeks in another 3 days so I would like to have somewhat of a clue as to what is going on before I leave. I just want an answer!
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
I'm pretty sure my heart can't take much more of this. I am so done with the emotional roller coaster of infertility. I want to kick and scream about how unfair it is. I would be a good mother and I know Matt would make a great father - so why? Why has 21 months of trying not resulted in a pregnancy? Why must I sit here and watch friend after friend conceive and give birth while I am still waiting and waiting for it to happen for us. My heart breaks! I get my hopes up and then they get crushed again with every failed cycle. I was so sure this IUI was going to work. I cried tears of happiness when we left the doctor after the IUI. We were positive this was it and we had done it. But here I am.. 13 days later and NO sign of any test turning positive anytime soon. I feel like having a meltdown. I just don't understand.. I really don't. Please God send me a miracle ...........
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Today is 11 days past when I had the IUI and the hope that I had before is going away pretty quickly.. Tested this morning and negative! :( I know it's still early, but I was hoping that something would show up by now. Two weeks ago - I was positive that this was going to be it and I felt it in with everything in me, and now I'm not so sure. So I'm trying to prepare myself for the worse so that I can move on and keep going. Matt doesn't understand why I am already thinking ahead to what is next, but I can't help it. I guess thinking ahead and planning makes me feel like I have SOME control over this whole situation.. which he time and again reminds me that I don't. Just trying to trust God and hold on to hope.. praying for a miracle. I want to see 2 lines so bad!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
So, we finally were able to have an IUI done this month after being cancelled last month due to no response from the Clomid. This time (instead of trying injectables like I thought we were going to) we upped my dosage of Clomid to 150mg on days 4-8 (not sure why we did them on 4-8 instead of the typical 3-7 or 5-9) and I was put on dexamethasone from days 4-14. I was nervous that it wasn't going to work, but low and behold, it did! I believe the dexamethasone made a huge difference for me and allowed the Clomid to work :) I was a little worried before my CD13 ultrasound because I was in a lot of pain around CD9 and thought I was hyper-stimulating. I had to lay in bed all day and use a heating pad.. that's how bad it was! I was also a little concerned I was about to ovulate super early, but I didn't. On July 11th (CD13) I had an ultrasound and they found a bunch of follicles and I was threatened with another cancelled cycle - depending on how my E2 levels looked when the labs came back. I had two 18mm follicles, a 15mm follicle, I think a 12mm follicle, a 10mm follicle, and a bunch that were less than 10. My thinking was that it wasn't too bad and I prayed HARD that my levels would come back alright so I could trigger and move on with the IUI. Well MIRACLE.. my E2 levels came back and weren't as high as the doctor thought they could be and she instructed me to trigger that night at 7PM and to come back Wednesday morning (the 13th) at 7AM for IUI. I had never given myself a shot before and I had a lot of anxiety in the minutes leading up to it, but once I did it - it wasn't that bad! I felt like super woman after that. I give props to the ladies who give themselves shots every day for injectable IUI cycles and IVF cycles. I do think that if I need to move forward to the next step ever, that I could do it. Anyway, Tuesday night we made the 3 hour drive to San Antonio so we could spend the night and get the rest before the IUI the next morning. We had to be there at 6AM and did not want to get up in the middle of the night this time. It was nice to get a little extra sleep for once. Once we got there and were waiting in the room - I just prayed. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I prayed that hubbys sample would come back with good numbers and that this would work for us. After 21 months - I am just ready for a miracle to happen! The doctor came in and (yay) we had 32 or 33 mil post wash. WOO HOO!! The actual IUI was painful for me and I was glad when it was over. I got to lay there for 20 mins and then we left. Now it has been a waiting game. The two week wait is horrible! I just want to know if this worked and if I am finally going to be a mommy. I hate to get my hopes up, but for the first time in quite a while - they are. And I know if this fails I am going to be crushed. I am being so greedy as to actually be hoping for twins. Hey, a girl can dream ;) I guess we'll find out the beginning of next week if our dreams are finally going to come true.. Praying!