Sunday, December 19, 2010

Pity Party for One

I'm ridiculous. I can't seem to keep it together anymore. I guess I am just at my wit's end now that we are on our 14th cycle of trying to conceive, and I keep hearing more and more news of friend's becoming pregnant. I am truly happy for my friends that have received the greatest blessing God can give.. I just want that blessing for myself and Matt as well. It doesn't make sense to me why we are going through all we have gone through. I have watched friends become pregnant and give birth all within the time we've been trying. March must have especially been a busy month for a lot of people, as December has been a month full of births! Miracles everywhere, but mine is no where in sight. I know that in February we will be moving on to the next step, but it's still hard to hang in there. Last month I was full of such hope and I swore it was going to be it.. and it wasn't. The pain I have felt during the past couple weeks is indescribable. My heart just hurts. I hate getting on Facebook these days because every time I log in I see an "I'm pregnant!", "It's a girl!", "It's a boy!", or an "I'm _ weeks ..". It's hard. Most things I write on Facebook now are negative, and I know that is probably obnoxious to a lot of people, but I can't seem to help it. It is what is on my mind. All I want is a baby.. nothing else. I knew our road to having a child would probably be hard, but I never knew it would be this difficult. On the up-side, I have an amazing husband who has been by my side through all of this. It is hard on him, too. I know that this type of thing can drive a wedge in many people's marriages, but it hasn't in ours and I am thankful for that. In fact, a lot of the things we have gone through this year could drive a wedge in a marriage. We have come out stronger. I have been so blessed with a husband who fits me so well. He is my best friend. I love you Matt.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Time for Something New

Well, we had our appointment at Wilford Hall down in San Antonio this past week. At the appointment we went over our medical history and what we have done so far during our journey trying to conceive. We discussed our next step, which is to do an IUI (intrauterine insemination), and the possibility of IVF (invitro fertilization) if the IUI does not work. I also had an ultrasound so the doctors could examine my cysts. I will always have cysts because of my PCOS, but apparently there is a cyst that is a decent enough size for them to want it removed. The solution they came up with is to put my on Birth Control for a month in hopes that the cyst goes away. I was not happy about this at all. Unfortunately, if the cyst does not go away I will have to have it surgically removed. Since Matt is going to be gone for a month in January they were going to have me stay on it until he gets back and then immediately go in to doing the IUI in February. I have decided not to take the birth control for December since Matt is still here. I am giving my body a chance to work itself out on it's own and giving us one last opportunity to conceive naturally. I believe that God can work miracles and I am not giving up hope that we could conceive this month. If we are not successful, then I will take the pill while Matt is gone. I am nervous about the cyst and hope that I will not have to have surgery, but I will do what I need to do. I am excited that we are getting somewhere though, and that we are finally able to try something new. I have not given up hope yet and am trying to remain as positive as I can be. This week has been a low one and I have had a few good cries, but I am ready to pick myself back up and move forward.

PS. My husband is the most awesome man in the entire world and I am so very grateful for him. He is my best friend and has been my rock. I am so blessed to have him as a partner and thank God every day for putting him in my life.

And to all who read this and have been praying for us and supporting us through this.. THANK YOU :)

Friday, December 3, 2010


I am super anxious for next week! I took my 7th round (pretty sure it was 7) of Clomid this month and did the Clomid Challenge for Wilford Hall. The Clomid Challenge measures your FSH and Estradiol levels on Day 3 and Day 10  (Clomid days 5 - 9) and your progesterone levels on Day 23.. and if everything goes well a pregnancy test on day 35. Everything looks GREAT!! My FSH levels were well within range, and Day 10's level was lower than Day 3's. My Estradiol level was 48 on Day 3 (good!) and well... it jumped to 570 by Day 10!? Not sure if this is good or bad.. but it's high. It's no wonder these pills make me feel the way they do. Anyway, on Day 23 I had my Progesterone level done to see if I had ovulated. Anything over 10 indicates ovulation, and when my doctor called me yesterday it was 54! That's really high. She said I definitely ovulated. I am wondering if this is a good sign. I hope so. Maybe there is more than one.. hmm. All I know is that a level of 54 means there is more than enough progesterone to sustain a pregnancy. Now all we can do is wait. Prayers please!! I really want my Christmas miracle.