So, I wanted to write a blog explaining why it is that I am so open about our infertility struggles. I do not write things for sympathy or attention. I do not want others to feel sorry for me. I write on here and update Facebook for a few reasons. First of all, I write as a way of release. I do not like to bottle up my emotions because it is not healthy. This is a way of managing any stress that comes along. When it comes to my blog, it also allows me to have a means of documentation. I like to be able to go back and re-read old blog posts and see where we've been. I don't ever want to forget how all of this felt once I have a child. Not that I ever will.
But, those things are not what I find most important about sharing. I share because I feel that too many people fight infertility in silence. I want others who may be experiencing these issues to know it is OK! It is nothing to be embarrassed by. Over the past few years I have had the opportunity to speak with some wonderful women who have been in my shoes and who offer their support to me. They pray for me. I know I am not the only one to deal with this. I have also had people message me and share their own struggles with me. People have reached out to me. I have also had some message me with other problems they may be experiencing and shared with me how 'my strength' has helped them. I will never take credit for any of that. God gives me my strength. Which leads me into my main reason for sharing my personal life with others. I share because I want God to have all the glory. I want everyone to know that when I am pregnant it is because God granted me a miracle. No doctor or medicine will receive the credit.. God will. Yes, I know God can use doctors to do His work and that is why I continue to see them. Did you know that a normal, healthy couple only has about 20 - 25% chance of getting pregnant each month? Matt and I... well our chances are next to nothing on our own. I know God could always perform a miracle, but I also feel he is using these doctors to help us. We have been extremely blessed with the opportunity to go through these treatments without pay (well, except for the gas we spend driving to San Antonio numerous times a month). We could not afford this in the civilian world. I have fantastic doctors, regardless if they are military or not. I am thankful that God has allowed us this chance. I'm not sure why I am writing this blog, but I felt I should. I know others wonder why I so openly discuss private matters and I also know some must be annoyed with it. I want people to know why. There are days I wish that I had never said anything to anyone about it, but I know God will use my story for good. If I can even help one person.. then it's worth it. I have come a long way in the past few years. I have battled a lot of different emotions. I have been jealous, bitter, angry, hurt, and depressed. I have also been humbled, grateful, and happy. Yes, happy. I have found positives in the pain. I know that this will make us better parents and we will never take that blessing for granted. I also believe it has strengthened my relationship with God. We have had plenty of time to discuss parenting skills and how we want to raise our children. We have had time together, alone, as a married couple. We would not have had that if we had gotten pregnant right when we wanted to. My point is, that there is always good that can be found in every bad situation. I don't stop living my life. I let being an infertile define me for too long, and I have gotten to a place where I accept what is. Now, I just continue to pray for a miracle.