Well it's that time again..

     I hate this time of the month. It is the week where we find out if we were successful in conceiving this month or not. Obviously, we have not been so far. (Well, last month was just a mess..). I learned not to test so early though so that I do not get let down by catching a chemical pregnancy. So, in a couple of days I get to find out! Not feeling very hopeful, but you never know.      Anyway, I am finally getting over my sickness :) Very happy about that. Next week I have a dentist appointment (which I am not looking forward to, because I was supposed to have a crown done back in March and never did, and now my teeth have been hurting pretty bad the past few days. Matt says I've been grinding my teeth even more than I usually do, too. Great.) The week after, on the 12th, Matt has an appointment with his doctor to follow up on his leg. Unfortunately, since he has not had much improvement in getting it straighter, he is probably going to need another surgery. This could mean a lot of changes for us in the near future. The Army will probably medically discharge him if he has another surgery. So, I guess we will see what happens. It is in God's hands. Also, Matt has been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately. He has not been able to sleep at night and it is starting to get to him. Prayers are welcome :)

Rough Day

First day back at work today. There are so many new guys, its just not the same. Thinking that i may need another surgery. That might be the straw that breaks the camels back. I wish my leg would just go back the way it was, and i could go right back to work and do what i do best. I guess i am afraid of what might happen to me if i need another surgery. It may end my militery career. I am just going to pray and see what happens. It werid the job i am good at might end for me for some very stupid thing i did. I wish i could go back 6 weeks and be smarter than i was. It was so hard to watch my Bradley, my crew, and the rest of my platton drive off without me. Its seems so hard to get back up after you fall. But as Sergent Davis told me, "its not how hard you fall, but how you get back up".

-Matt

Dr. Appointments

Yuck. I have been sick for the past week and it stinks :( It's gotten to the point where I've lost my voice from coughing too much and my ribs are hurting. Hopefully I'll start feeling better soon though, because I want to start back to work. Tomorrow is supposed to be Matt's first day back at the company so we will see how that goes. He still needs to go see his doctor tomorrow morning. I just wish the poor guy could sleep! Nothing seems to work for him.
    Anyway, this morning I had an appointment at the Women's Clinic on post with our the doctor we have been seeing for infertility. Her name is Dr. Hayes and she has been wonderful so far. Unfortunately, the computers were down and she was unable to do anything for us today. She did call back later on and let us know that she put in another referral for Wilford Hall (located in San Antonio - they have reproductive endocrinologists there that can do more complex things for us such as IUI and IVF, which I am sure a lot of people have no idea what those are, lol). We also were able to let her know about the chemical pregnancy we had last month. I told her about the times I left messages for her to call me and she says she never got the messages (which I figured). So she is putting in lab work for me to have a pregnancy test done (? Not sure why at this point? ) and to do a Clomid Challenge (taking Clomid just like I have been, but they are going to  do lab work on various days of the month. I have to have this done to bring to Wilford Hall when we go). Matt also has to have some tests re-done as well.
  Besides that, nothing else is really new. I am ready to get back to school and back to work. I need to start my next class online (University of Phoenix) so I can finally finish my degree. I have about 8 classes left.


PS I can not wait to go to Charlotte for Christmas! On the plus side, Matt and I are discussing what we want to do for our anniversary this year. We are talking about getting away for a couple nights for it, so we will see! I can't believe it has almost been 2 years already. :)

My heart aches

   My heart aches. The past 5 1/2 weeks have been so difficult. As if Matt's accident wasn't hard enough, the joy and then devastation of losing a pregnancy just sent me over the edge. I want a baby so badly. That is what I want more than anything else right now; I want to start our family. It is hard for me to comprehend why it has to be such a struggle. There have been moments when I (shamefully) have questioned God and the purpose of all this. I question why any un-wed, teenage girl can jump in the back seat of a car and have a child and yet it 'is not my time'. Why them? Why the girls who get pregnant and then simply terminate it? That makes me cringe. In fact, since I am on the subject of teenage mothers, let me say this. I hate the fact that the media almost glamorizes teenage pregnancy. Shows like 'Teen Mom' lead others to think that it is a cool thing to do . That they will get attention by having a baby. Look at almost any magazine cover and you will see headlines about who is pregnant and who wants a baby. When Jamie Lynn Spears was pregnant it was on all the magazines. Why? Babies are now a 'fad' in our society. Remember when all the celebrities carried little dogs around in their purses? Now they are carrying around babies on their hips. I know, I know, I am being negative. Life is just not fair all the time. 'Who ever said life would be fair? If it was fair it wouldn't be called life'. Yeah, I know.  Please Lord, any time now would be a great time for a surprise. I don't want to go through another month of disappointments.

- Kristen

Matt's 2nd blog

This stinks, I have come to a cross road, and I like what is down each path. Down one road I stay where I am with the job I have. I have a home and a steady job. Down the other road I could go to school and start a whole new life. The big thing is I will never know which is better but I should never question if I picked the right road. The only right thing to do is put my faith in God, and He will show me where He needs me to be. Oh well, I am just going to pray hard about it and wait to see what God shows me.

-Matt

Matts first blog

Ok, this is my first time writing on a blog. So after hitting the 5 week anniversary of shooting my own leg, I realize that there is nothing in this world that I will let slow down my recovery. My wounds are healing, but my foot still hurts. I haven't used a wheelchair in over a week. The only way I could have been as strong as I have been is because my wife has never stopped telling me to keep going and have faith. Kristen has been there the whole time, from when it happened till now. I refused to go into my first surgery until I was able to see my wife. While waiting, the chaplain looked at me and said "Must be a special girl" and I said "She is my wife. I need to see her." God has blessed me with an angel, and for some reason she loves a skinny,redneck army guy. People really don't know what they have until the hard times show them just how much another person can love them. On another note, still have NOT been fishing since all this happened. Kristen wants to go fishing and wants to take the dog. I also want to thank every one that prayed for me while I was in the hospital. It meant a lot to Kristen and I. It's hard to believe that all the stuff that happened 5 weeks ago actually happened.

My first Blog Post

 So, I decided to create a blog. I love to write and figured it could be a good way to get my thoughts down and a way to document what is going on in our lives. I also want to be able to keep family and friends updated as to what is going on with us.
 Matt and I have gone through a lot in the short time we have been married. It is hard to believe we will be reaching the 2 year mark in only a few more months. December 22,2008 was one of the best days of our lives and we both feel blessed in the marriage we are in. God has certainly shown us just what we are capable of getting through. Three weeks after we were married, Matt deployed to Iraq. It was a hard year, but we grew closer together in the end and learned to appreciate each other even more. After he returned home in December of 2009, we decided that it was time to start our family. We found out earlier in the year while he was gone that it was most likely going to be a challenge for us to conceive. I was diagnosed with PCOS in May 2009. PCOS stands for Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome. It is the number one cause of infertility in women and causes a number of issues in those who have it. I have since been medicated to help control the symptoms and because of the medication things have been more under control. Unfortunately, a couple months after we began trying to conceive, we found out that Matt had some issues with being infertile as well. It has been a struggle and we have gone through some heartbreak because of our difficulty in having a child. We want nothing more than to be parents and to teach our children about Jesus; raising them in a Christian home and watching them grow.
 We are now at a crossroads. Although we have only had a total of 10 cycles trying to conceive, 3 of which have been medicated cycles in which I have taken the fertility drug Clomid, we have decided to adopt. We are still going to continue trying for our own biological children, but feel in our hearts that adopting a child would be a huge blessing to both us and that child. We know it is going to be a lengthy process, and a costly one, and that is why we have decided to start now. As far as us trying to get pregnant, we are currently on a waiting list for a fertility clinic in San Antonio, Texas where we will discuss treatments such as IUIs and IVF. In the mean time, we are simply praying and are hoping that God will bless us with a little miracle. We know He is capable of giving us a child without the need for any treatment.