Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Learning to let go..

How do you get to the point of just giving up? I don't know how to do that. I started a new cycle yesterday and it is killing me not being able to call and try another IUI this month. I know that my attention needs to be on my husband right now, and that is where I want it to be, but it is still hard. Infertility has taken over our lives for so long and we have been through so much.. it is hard to just not think about it. My body has been through hell while enduring fertility treatments, and now I can't help but think it was all for nothing. All we have gotten out of this is brokenness. I'm so angry! In the 3 years we have been married, we have endured a deployment, 27 months of infertility (33 months if you could when we started trying and found out I had PCOS, but missed some months because of deployment), Matt's injury that has permanently disabled him, his grandmother having cancer, my dad having cancer, his brother passing away, and the ending of Matt's military career. It has been hard. I just want things to turn around and for good things to happen. We both want a child, but know that something has got to give at the moment.

Step 1: Learning to let go of having a child for the time being and concentrating on my marriage.

I love my husband and I'd choose him over having a baby every time..

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