Wednesday, June 29, 2011

It is now the end of June and things have been up and down since the last post. The day after I last posted, my brother-in-law passed away. It has been a very difficult period in our family's life since then. My dad has also continued to battle cancer, and is now about to have surgery at the beginning of July to hopefully remove the lymph nodes from behind his kidneys. Matt and I have still been trying to have a baby, too. I had surgery in April that corrected a septate uterus and looked for possible endometriosis (which I did not have, thank God!). We finally got to begin our first IUI cycle at the beginning of this month, but it was cancelled because there was no progress being made with my follicles. They were not responding to the medication and did not grow. So, I just finished taking medication to start a new cycle and begin again. Hopefully in the next few days we will be able to see the doctor again and HOPEFULLY make some progress. I am so ready for a miracle in our lives. I have struggled a lot with feeling jealous of others  because they have something I want and it comes so easily for them. I am happy for my friends that have conceived and have their children, but it hurts to watch so many around me experience this miracle that I am trying so hard for! It just seems unfair at times. I don't think I will ever fully understand why we must go through so much pain to start our family. I'm tired of having a heavy heart.. even though I pray about it every day and try to hand it over to God. Most days are good, but some days just stink! Today is one of those days (probably because of all the hormones!). Is it OK to kick and scream on occasion? Because that is how I feel at the moment.

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